Death Comes for Us All

"No one in the world ever gets what they want and that is beautiful/everybody dies frustrated and sad and that is beautiful" -They Might Be Giants


The quote is of little relevance to my post, just something that Life After God reminded me of. I think Coupland would agree with this idea forwarded by Gen-X Nerd Rockers They Might Be Giants. Think of it as a vaguely relevant illustration at the top of my page.


The year is 1993 and I am 6 years old, but 12 short days shy of 7. It is Beethoven's birthday, December 16th. I cross the street after I receive what I think is my mom's go-ahead. I bound across the street, reckless, quick, innocently. Then there was darkness. Then suddenly I am awake. Through a haze that seemed to fill the room, I hear myself ask "Is this a dream", though I don't recall speaking. Dr. Nash responds "No, its not." The haze is gone, along with my consciousness. When it returns again, I am at home. On the family room floor. My parents are watching AFKN (The Armed Forces Korea Network, the only channel we get), but its hold on them is cast aside like a spurned lover or Edward VIII's reign over England, when they see I am waking up.

What had happened, my mother said, took years off her life. As I carelessly (in both the good and bad senses of the word) crossed the street I had collided with an oncoming car. The only real repercussions were a broken collarbone and hours of unconsciousness.

My experience that day wasn't very "near death" but it may very well be similar to how death is (I don't know, I have never died). There is life and then suddenly nothing. Darkness. Eternal sleep. The world does end, as T.S. Eliot put it "not with a bang, but with a whimper". If this is the case, this is (to put it mildly) depressing. Contrary to the optimistic (albeit in contemplating suicide) thoughts of Hamlet, who asks "what dreams may come?" in regards to the eternal sleep of death. There are no dreams. Though it is indeed like sleep. Time passes quickly (after all it is no longer a concrete, but an abstract concept). You are rested, but for nothing. As it were you are asleep, but your body never attains R(apid)E(ye)M(ovement) sleep, the stage where dreaming begins.

I think that this, however, is not important. What death is like? What comes after death? While these questions have haunted mankind for millenia I think that in the case of life, it is about the journey, not the destination. Because regardless of where (or when it ends) the interesting stuff is what happens along the way.

Better Late Than Never: Successful Films Based On Obscure Books

For better or for worse here is my attempt at a McSweeney'sesque list.

Successful Films Based on Obscure Books

Beautiful Teens, Grizzly Murders

Rich Girl: The Paris Hilton Story

National Lampoon's Boobies and Fart Jokes

Der Affe hat meinen Hosen! (The Monkey Has My Pants!)

Trek War: Lost in Space: 1999

Ugly Custody Battle

Lara Croft Tomb Raider II: The Cradle of Life (Based on The Jungle by Upton Sinclair)